The first round is in the books and not much to talk about other than injuries, great games, stupid coaching decisions and one monumental collapse.

Derrick Rose’s injury is THE talking point in this postseason. The thing that hurts me the most is the uncertainty surrounding his recovery. Will he be the same player when he returns? By the time he becomes the same player, will it to be too late; will the Bulls window to win a championship close? Earlier this year I had a fantastic discussion with Fats about who was the best player under 25 in basketball. We had narrowed it down to two names: Kevin Durant and Derrick Rose. We thought you couldn’t go wrong with either and now, it’s almost impossible to go right with Rose- especially considering the season Durant has had. I seriously hope he recovers and can light up the league as he once did- because as a basketball fan, the NBA is better with Rose at his best.

The first round had quite a few great games but only one great series; Memphis vs. LA Clippers.  The first two games in the Oklahoma City – Dallas series were epic but the series fizzled out after that. Game 1 in Memphis saw the Clippers win after being down 24 points in the fourth quarter. The Lakers loss in Game 5 of the series was a great game due to Kobe singlehandedly bringing the Lakers with back with shot after shot (I hate to say it, but his self-confidence is also what saw them lose that game. He missed three crucial shots down the stretch).

I nailed almost all of my picks in the first round but choosing Memphis is what really kills me. With Z-Bo only semi-fit for the series, there was no way the Grizzlies were going to the NBA Finals, but they should have beaten the Clippers. They gave Game 1 away in historic fashion and they should have won at least one, if not two games in LA (talking about Games 3 and 4). If you give away games in the playoffs, you will lose that series. Simple and plain.

The second round matchups are somewhat tastier than the first round ones, so let’s jump into it.

Miami Heat vs. Indiana Pacers

The affair series. Let me explain why I call it the affair series. Before a person has an affair they think the affair is going to be awesome, or at least better than their current situation. The possibility of beautiful orgasm dances through your mind and finally the moment arrives. It’s going be as great as you expected or it’s going to let you down- and I mean seriously let you down. This series is an affair. Indiana has superior depth and they possess a player that Miami simply cannot defend, Roy Hibbert. Not to mention they are also superior at the point guard position and with Paul George, they have a lock down defender. So Indiana will win this series or at the very least, push Miami to seven, right? Well, maybe not. Indiana is inexperienced and has been blown out by Miami due to Miami’s up and down style. Plus, Roy Hibbert has never taken control in a game, let alone a series before. If Roy Hibbert and the Pacers perform the way they usually do then this series is going at least six. In other words, this affair is going to be everything you imagined; the sex is going to be mindblowing and maybe, just maybe, a real relationship will come out of this (i.e. Indiana will in this series and you will forever be an Indiana fan). Or this affair could be a dud; the foreplay is great but the sex is bumpy and ends way too quickly. I’m hoping for a great affair but I’m picking Miami.

Boston Celtics vs. Philadelphia 76ers

This will be the most boring series of the second round because Boston is head and shoulders better than Philadelphia. People will tell you that Philadelphia’s regular season record against Boston (2-1) suggests Philadelphia is better and could make this series a long one. Don’t listen to them. With Boston’s veteran experience and coaching advantage, Boston will win this series.

Los Angeles Lakers vs. Oklahoma City Thunder

Metta World Peace or the Artest formerly known as Ron, will be greeted with a chorus of boos in Oklahoma City. Unfortunately, MWP’s presence is not going to turn this series in the Lakers favor- it will be Kobe that decides this series. Will Kobe take a backseat to Bynum and Gasol and allow them to dictate this series? I seriously doubt it. That’s the Lakers only chance. Kobe has to defer for the Lakers to have any chance in this series. The Lakers must keep the game a halfcourt game and pound it inside (I could’ve said, “they need to get the ball down low”, but then the sexual reference would be lost and Fats would have nothing to laugh at). Double teaming Bynum and forcing Kobe to shoot contested jumpers will be the key to success for the Thunder. Also, when Sessions runs those high pick and rolls with Gasol or Bynum, the player guarding Sessions needs to go under those screens to prevent the screen and roll and force Sessions to shoot. Sessions is not a shooter the way Fish was and will struggle. Thunder have the superior depth and they possess the best player in this series, Kevin Durant. Thunder will win this series.

San Antonio Spurs vs. LA Clippers

The Clippers are in dreamland as they have advanced to the second round by winning a game seven on the road. The sad reality for the Clippers is a second round exit is near. The Spurs are far more talented and Tony Parker will prove to be extremely difficult to defend. Should I go on record and say sweep? I should, but I won’t. Spurs will win easily but not that easy.

In the Western Conference, I was again two for three with the only missed pick coming in the Southwest Division; I picked the Mavericks and the Spurs won the division as well as the number one seed in the West. The Thunder and Lakers won the other divisions and will be going into the playoffs as the number 2 and 3 seeds respectively.

I would just like to take this moment and recant an earlier statement I made about a player. Earlier this year I deemed Kevin Love merely a stat stuffer. I said he was someone who put up great numbers but couldn’t translate those numbers into wins for his team. I was wrong. Love is by far the best power forward in the NBA and if he and Rubio could have stayed healthy, the Timberwolves would be in the playoffs. I’m still not sold on Love being the kind of guy that can drive a team to a championship but I’m not going to be an idiot and put it past him. The guy is a monster and was a MVP candidate before his injury. All the Minnesota fans are singing, “We found Love in a hopeless place.” That really wasn’t funny at all, but I liked saying it anyway.

My finals picks- Oklahoma City Thunder vs. Miami Heat- are looking good but not as good as they looked before the start of the year. The Spurs are the NBA’s best team right now but they are old and may struggle against certain teams. Miami is lucky that Rose is injured because I don’t think he will be 100% healthy this season and the Bulls will be unable to overcome the Heat. With that being said let’s move to my playoff picks.

Let’s start in the Eastern Conference because the 1^st round matchups are likely to be very boring.

Chicago vs. Philadelphia

Philadelphia has played Chicago tough this year and on one occasion, they almost beat the Bulls with Rose in the lineup. Rose’s health is the big question in this postseason- if he is 100% healthy and in game shape, then the Bulls are one of the favorites. Without Rose at his best the Bulls will squeak by the 76ers (if you wanted to win some big money quick and in order to get this money you were willing to take a sizeable risk, not an impossibility, but a sizeable risk, then betting on the 76ers to beat the Bulls- assuming Rose isn’t a 100%- is the bet for you).

Miami vs. New York

The New York media, basically the national media, will hype this up as a huge series that could go either way. If the Knicks are able to win a game in the series, the media will say they have figured them out and will surely go on to the next round. Don’t pay no ‘tention to dem. The Heat have been erratic since the all star break but they are better than the Knicks and LeBron doesn’t choke until the finals (well, at least usually- although, if there ever were a time to choke in the 1^st round, wouldn’t choking against the Knicks be the perfect story? The man who spurned the spotlight of New York to join forces with Wade commits his greatest failure in the world’s most famous arena, Madison Square Garden, would be the story of the century. Years from now, assuming they lost in the 1^st round, people would remember LeBron as a complete waste of talent). Sadly, the Heat will win this series.

Indiana vs. Orlando

Indiana is the hottest team in the NBA right now. They have found their groove and with Howard missing from the proceedings, the Pacers will kill the Magic. Danny Granger has been poor this season and I think the Pacers should move him for some roster depth and slide Paul George to the 3 spot and then sign Eric Gordon, Indiana native, and play him at the 2 guard. We’ll see what happens.

Atlanta v. Boston  

Celtics tanked at the end of the season as they had already wrapped up the division and getting homecourt versus the Hawks meant nothing to them. I’m worried about Rondo’s health after that ugly fall he had a couple of weeks earlier but all reports suggest he’ll be fine. Atlanta’s homecourt won’t make any difference because they are unable to sellout even for playoff games. The Celtics will get through this series with minimal effort.

Let’s move the Western Conference where we may see some upsets, although it is unlikely.

San Antonio vs. Utah

San Antonio have become favorites to win the West but I am not so sure because of their potential second round matchup with the Grizzlies. Utah might be a tough out for the Spurs if Al Jefferson plays the way he is capable of playing, but that a huge if. The Spurs are focused but Utah may give them some trouble because of their size.

Oklahoma City v. Dallas

Last year Dallas beat Oklahoma City en route to their first championship ring. Things will be different this time. Dirk has not been Dirk this year. Conversely, Kevin Durant has never been better and the Thunder have really improved this year because of his production. However, we shouldn’t gloss over the fact that they have been poor as of late. Luckily for them, the Mavericks have been poor all season. The Thunder will win this series.

LA Lakers v. Denver

Denver had a promising start to the year but injuries and a relatively key trade has the Nuggets in more of a rebuilding mode than being in contender mode. The loss of Wilson Chandler just recently, killed any chance the Nuggets had of winning this series (Note: Charles Barkley actually picked the Nuggets to win this series and that makes me nervous as a Lakers fan). Gallinari is still not fully healthy and Javale McGee can’t be trusted in the playoffs. The Lakers will likely have Kobe shooting a ton with Bynum and Gasol getting a few touches. This strategy will seem them eliminated in the playoffs but not now. The Lakers should win this series.

Memphis v. LA Clippers

The best first round matchup in the playoffs. Memphis will have homecourt and that might be the extra edge they need to win this series. I think the Clippers will be the Grizzlies toughest opponent in the playoffs. I’m clearly in the minority with that thinking but let me explain. The Spurs struggle against size and with Z-Bo and Gasol, the Grizzlies matchup extremely well against them. Furthermore, I think the Grizzlies matchup really well against the Thunder. With Tony Allen and Rudy Gay, they possess the perimeter defenders necessary to beat the Thunder. All that being said, Memphis could lose in the first round. Rudy Gay has superstar talent but he lacks the mental focus to be a superstar every night. If he is focused and if Z-Bo is 100% healthy (all reports suggest he is not), then Memphis will be representing the West in the finals. Let me repeat: Memphis will represent the West in the finals. Those are some big ifs, I’ll grant you that, but every team in the West has a bunch of ifs. Chris Paul makes the Clippers a difficult matchup for the Grizzlies and Blake Griffin will cause some problems as well. I’m going to pick Memphis but I’m not sure.

Click here to view the embedded video.

This year’s comp had some crazy tricks and even a few gnar gnar bails, which are all featured in the video. It’s a must watch if you’re someone who likes to party. Well…do YOU like to party?

Click here to view the embedded video.

AL East

New York Yankees

Boston Red Sox

Tampa Bay Devil Rays

Toronto Blue Jays

Baltimore Orioles

Terrible news for Red Sox fans as their closer will miss three to four months (yea, I did my research bitches) and given their lack of depth in the pitching department, this injury could really hurt the Sox. The Yankees are heavily dependent on CC Sabathia (Bay Area native) but Rivera’s return really helps the bullpen. Blue Jays are actually talented this year but the toughness of their division will kill their chances.

Division Winner: Yankees- there the Yankees for fucks sake.

AL Central

Detroit Tigers

Cleveland Indians

Chicago White Sox

Kansas City Royals

Minnesota Twins

I though Detroit was struggling economically. It sure didn’t seem like it this offseason when they awarded Prince Fielder a nine year, $214 million contract. This division sucks and the Tigers should take advantage when their new signings and overhaul of the team. The Indians have good pitching staff although strikeouts aren’t their forte- ground balls are. White Sox were injury plagued last year so were the Twins but I don’t see them edging the Tigers.

Division Winner: Tigers- Prince baby.

AL West

Oakland A’s

Seattle Mariners

Texas Rangers

Anaheim Angels (refuse to call them the Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim)

Cespedes will be a fun watch all year for the A’s even while the A’s lose… and lose and lose. The Mariners will likely finish ahead of the A’s, relegating the A’s to division losers in every sense of the word. The Rangers are turning into the Buffalo Bills with their losing appearances in the World Series and the Angels are looking to capitalize on the Rangers’ failings.  CJ Wilson is a big signing for the Angels and will improve their pitching staff while Pujols upgrades the offense. Yu Darvish, Ranger’s pitcher, is my favorite player in this division and probably in the league. The 6’5” Japanese phenom is fucking dope for reasons I cannot explain. Just watch him and you will be like, “Wow, I can’t believe I’m watching baseball right now.”

Division Winner: Angels- Michael Young is on the decline and no way will Mike Napoli have as good of a season as he had last year.

Wild Card Winners: Devil Rays and Rangers (interesting how I talk shit on the Rangers, with the glorification of Darvish aside, then pick them to get the Wild Card spot over the Red Sox. In reality, it’s not interesting at all but it is something of note.)

The National League is considered far weaker than the American League this year with many people believing there won’t be a single 90 win team this season in the league. I just wanted to throw that out there for A’s fans looking for an argument with a Giants fan. The exchange might go a little something like this.

Giants fan: You guys fucking suck. You haven’t won shit since the Pill Popper Brothers and La Russa. Man, your franchise is a joke.

A’s fan: Who has more World Series titles, dude bro? Yea, I thought so, Jabroni. Lince-cum on a man’s face cause he is so gay is such a fucking loser and all of your fans are bandwagon fans.

Giants fan: At least we have fans (a clear shot to the declining attendance numbers at the Colisuem). Man, you guys suck so much we will probably double your win total.

A’s fan: Man, your league is so fucking terrible that if we were in your league we would double your win total (this person has lost all sense of reality. He/she (if women talk like this I would be very shocked and oddly turned on- what this says about me I would rather not delve into purely out of fear) is either drinking way too much, or knows they have lost the argument and will continue to say outlandish things just to end the argument).

Giants fan: Want to make a bet on this season, man? C’mon man, don’t pussy out (if this isn’t female dialogue, I don’t know what is.)

A’s fan: Man, fuck off, you are so lame.

Giants fan: You are scared man. You are so scared man. You’re so scared, you’re scaring me (laughs…alone).

A’s fan: No you’re scared.

Giants fan: Why would I be scared? I am the one trying to make the bet.

A’s fan: You’re scared man. Plus, it’s not a fair bet because you play in a weaker league.

Giants fan: Fine. Let’s alter the bet to make it fair. How about…..

A’s fan: Shut up man. (Muttering under his breath) Making it fair. (still muttering) Who does he think he is? (muttering still in full effect) Making it fair. (muttering will not stop just yet) We have more World Series titles and HE wants to make it fair.

Giants fan: Will you stop muttering? So, you wanna bet?

A’s fan: Can’t do it. Saving my money to help my grandmother get a transplant (says it rather matter of factly). See you later, man.

(As a side note- it’s clear both of these people aren’t ones for conversation as they only speak one or two sentences at a time. Also, they say man a lot which gives me the impression they are either Rastafari’s or the person they are conversing with really isn’t a friend but through the use of the word man they are hoping to develop a friendship).

NL East

Philadelphia Phillies

New York Mets

Atlanta Braves

Washington Nationals

Miami Marlins

Marlins got a new stadium, got some new players and most importantly, got some wealthy owners. For these reasons, I say they win the division. The Phillies will be strong but the injuries to Ryan Howard and Chase Utley will make it difficult for them to keep the pace with the Marlins. The Braves, like the Phillies, are loaded when it comes to pitching and pitching wins championships. I think this is the best division in the NL and hopefully a tight division race will strengthen that claim.

Division Winner: Marlins- Miami is the new hotspot for stars.

NL Central

St. Louis Cardinals

Houston Astros

Cincinnati Reds

Milwaukee Brewers

Chicago Cubs

Pittsburgh Pirates

Defending champion Cardinals are coming off a bittersweet offseason. While it may have been fun to celebrate the title, it must have hurt to watch the La Russa and Pujols leave. The Reds have gotten stronger since last season and are the trendy pick to win the division.

Division Winner: Cardinals- I don’t do trendy, expect for my Marlins pick.

NL West

San Francisco Giants

Arizona Diamondbacks

Los Angeles Dodgers

Colorado Rockies

San Diego Padres

The Giants were smart this offseason when the resigned Cain to a long term deal. The return of Posey will make them stronger than last year and with Cain’s contract status settled, he could win the Cy Young. In Justin Upton the Diamondbacks possess their own MVP candidate and they are loaded across the board with great young talent. This will be another great division race, although it won’t be as compelling as the NL East, unless of course, you are a Giants of Diamondbacks fan.

Division Winner: Diamondbacks- I am being neutral here, honest.

Wild Card Winners: Braves and Phillies- Giants just miss the cut.

World Series: Phillies and Yankees. Yankees win.

Click here to view the embedded video.

I went into this movie with high expectations given the reviews of critics and friends, and although I wasn’t disappointed, I wasn’t super stoked either. Word of advice- go into every movie with low expectations because then an above average movie such as this one becomes great.

The movie, thankfully, doesn’t delve deeply into their past and how they overcame their differences to be friends, and instead, spends most of the time describing their experience at “21 Jump Street”. In movies revolving around high school schools, the actors are always much older than 18. In “21 Jump Street” they continually poke fun at Tatum and Hill looking like they’re 35. I really don’t know why I mentioned this, because after a while, this joke isn’t funny at all and actually becomes a tad bit annoying. Nonetheless, it’s something that happens in the movie and it takes up a paragraph in the review. Now back to the important shit- at least more important than the old jokes. Speaking of important shit, is the storyline of the movie really important? Aren’t my views of annoying laughers in the theatre equally significant? Isn’t it valid to point out that people who have level 8 or above laughs should be banned from theaters? Wouldn’t you love to hear my ideas on how to revolutionize and revamp the movie theatre experience? I hear this in my head, “Yes Justin it is valid and yes, I would love it if you could espouse the details of your revolutionary plan.” Well, I might-in a future review- but for now, let’s go over the boring stuff in the movie.

As they re-enter high school the nitwits confuse their identities and the classes Tatum is supposed to be enrolled in are now classes Hill is in. From here the role reversal begins. Hill is now the popular one and Tatum is the nerd. Surprisingly, I was impressed with Tatum’s performance. In his last comedic effort, “The Dilemma”, he was actually the funniest character; not saying much considering the atrocity that was “The Dilemma”, but still. Here, Tatum has his moments, most notably in the drug scene; Tatum and Hill are at the high school to find the supplier of these drugs.

If hard pressed to choose the better performer, I would choose Hill. In the best scene in the movie, the drug scene, Hill is better and therefore, was funnier in the movie. Outside of Hill and Tatum, there weren’t any supporting performances of note. Jonny Depp made an appearance as did the other guy from the original TV series which was nice, but nothing that made the movie that much better. Hill’s love interest is nothing special, both comedically and physically, and Rob Riggle isn’t particularly funny either. Ice Cube tries too hard to be funny and as usual he isn’t funny; remember, even in “Friday” he isn’t funny (in fairness to him, he didn’t try to be funny in “Friday”).

All in all, “21 Jump Street” is a good movie but not a great one. Would I go to the theatre to watch it? If that theatre was the drive in, yes. I give this movie a 7.5/10.

Click here to view the embedded video.

Thank You!!!, Rancid for the last 20 years of kick ass tunes and shows, we all look forward to the next 20 years!!!!

PS. its just another East Bay Night.

Click here to view the embedded video.